Friday, June 3, 2011

Whine, Whine, Whine

Wow, somebody found my blog!  lol  You've inspired a new post!

One of the biggest problems with writing about my depression is that I feel like it's going to sound like whining.  I can relate the problems I've had with depression but still it's there, the emotional abandonment I suffered as a child, being sent off to a boarding school that I called, "A Jewish Home for Orphans and Other So-Sos," the inability to find a lasting relationship until I was nearly 30 (which ended 10 years later) and so on.

The thing is, the depression infects every aspect of my life, not just how I feel but how much I eat which in turn has caused a number of physical problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, morbid obesity, etc.  I'm also emotionally needy and a bit clingy, and at nearly 51 years old, there aren't many women who want an emotionally stunted guy for a mate.

I basically spend most of my time coping with the depression by living as stress-free a life as I can.  It means I'm mostly a shut-in because I also suffer from social anxiety.  It's so bad that sometimes I can't even walk to the local Safeway to go shopping.  Sometimes the mailbox is too far away for me to comfortably go to.

That's about all I've got to say at this time, but maybe I'll be inspired to write a bit more often.


  1. I'm glad you wrote this. There are two kinds of people in this world. There are the normal people who do not wish to hear about your problems and think and possibly even say "get over it already". And then there are people that suffer just like you do, who can truly empathize, be inspired, and gather support.

    I've lost many friends in my lifetime because I either was too ashamed to let them in to my darkness or they couldn't handle it. I learned not to share it because of the people that couldn't handle--some people that were very dear to me that I would have at one point put my life on the line for.

    My world is small as well--it's a lot easier that way, but still kind of miserable. I'm still trying to find a way out.

    No pressure but I hope you do continue to write.

  2. I agree with "running in circles" and with what you're saying. I always feel like I'm whining, that I'm just lazy, that everyone I know (notice I don't say "all my friends" cuz I have none) is sick of hearing about what I wish I could do, what I want to do...So I babble in other people's comment boxes and on my blog.